At my old church, the former youth pastor had a startling yet endearing habit of somtimes referring to his wife as his girlfriend. It emphasized their ongoing romance, but also made for some feet shuffling awkwardness, as when he would introduce the whole family as "my girlfriend and our kids." That sort of humor might play well in Manhattan, but in Katy, he might as well have grown a second head.
That said, it was a stated goal of mine to continue dating Michelle after we got married, that in some sense she would always be my girlfriend as well as my covenant spouse. What this looks like is multi-faceted; it involves pursuing her emotionally, and (as I discovered this week) being deliberate about making time for just the two of us.
Despite my lofty ambitions, I found that we had settled into something of a rut, staying in on the nights when we didn't have some out of the house event taking up our time. We'd find ourselves eating at the coffee table, leaned over my laptop, watching French subtitled episodes of How I Met Your Mother. I know: the sheer romance of this tableau may be making you a little queasy. Put your head between your legs and the feeling will pass.
So, how to restore the oft-hoped, rarely acheived ideal? If I'm going to love my wife the way that Christ loves His Church, then I need to start thinking in a Christ-like way. Normally for me, this means focusing on self-sacrifice and putting Michelle's needs ahead of my own. But in this instance, what I needed to focus on is His unending pursuit of His Bride. Grace chases us down and amazes us in the ways that it provides for our needs, brings healing, and ultimately inspires worship. Similarly, I need to be chasing Michelle down. (Note: not in the Mini. That would be unfair)
We're going on a date tonight. Out of the house, dressed up, with wine and everything. The plans are actually a little nebulous at the moment, owing to an unforseen scheduling snafu, but whatever we do, it's going to be fun and deliberate, an application of Grace to a relationship that needs it constantly and doggedly. I don't bring any of this up to pat myself on the back for being such a great husband (if anything, I've been a neglectful one for quite a while) , but to see what the other dudes are doing to keep their wives feeling special and pursued. You know, like when she was your girlfriend.
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ReplyDelete1. My husband is a golden retriever of a husband, always thrilled to see me and right next to me, fascinated by my blandness. He is anything but neglectful.
2. Just for the record, I love lazy nights at home and productive nights at home. What made this evening so special and one I looked forward to eagerly was that he asked me days in advance, "can I take you on a date Friday night?" We could have just eaten canned corn on the porch and I would have been just as happy because it was the ASKING that made me feel special and pursued.
I love you two.
ReplyDeleteTo brag a bit...Thomas was wonderful through dating and engagement about having flowers delivered after I'd had a hard day, gotten through something big, or just as a random surprise. I always assumed that the flower delivery would stop after marriage. However, it's not uncommon for him to come home from work a few minutes late with a bunch of flowers. Or on a night I work late sometimes I'll walk in the door and there will be a vase already set on the table and dinner started in the kitchen. His bouquet choices are always seasonal, too, which is nice.
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