Book review: "For Women Only" - Shaunti Feldhahn

One of my friends at Redeemer (who is also an older and much wiser married woman of 20+ years) gave me a book for my birthday titled "For Women Only - what you need to know about the inner lives of men" (sorry, I can't remember the html code for underlining or linking with text) http://www.forwomenonlybook.com/BooksStudies/ForWomenOnly/tabid/137/Default.aspx

I had read the book just after we were married (one of my friends at work recommended it and loaned it to me), but as I began re-reading it, I realized just how much I had forgotten and just how applicable the topics in the book are after both 1 month...and 2 years of marriage.

Summary and Chandra's thoughts

The book, written by a Christian author, arose as she began interviewing men for a fiction book that she was writing. She was surprised to hear the same answers and thoughts coming from the men, and she thought women should know what they're thinking. Although she's a Christian, there's not much (if any) content that challenged me to think about theological or life issues through the lens of scripture. A non-believer could have just as easily read the book and gotten the same things out of it as me - it's simply a practical look into how most men think.

I believe the Table of Contents will give the best summary of what the book covers:

1) Lightbulb On! How I woke up to what I didn't know about men

2) Your love is not enough. Why your respect means more to him than even your affection

3) The Performance of Lifetime. Why your Mr. Smooth looks so impressive but feels like an impostor

4) The Loneliest Burden. How his need to provide weighs your man down, and why he likes it that way

5) Sex Changes Everything. Why sex unlocks a man's emotions (guess who holds the key?)

6) Keeper of the Visual Rolodex. Why it's so natural for him to look and so hard to forget what he's seen

7) Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing. Why the reluctant clod you know really does want romance

8) The Truth About the Way You Look. Why what's on the outside matters to him on the inside

9) Words for Your Heart. What your man most wishes you knew about him

Basically, it was a quick, practical read. If you don't anticipate a deep read filled with thought-provoking questions that would arise after each chapter, you won't be let down as much. I, personally, think she did a good job putting into words what I (for the most part) have come to notice about Walt. She has a high regard for men, which I really appreciated to hear, and although it's not an earth-shattering book, the points that she makes are helpful to think about. For instance, after reading the chapter titled "Your Love is Not Enough" I was challenged to think that me telling Walt that I love him 5 times a day means so much less to him than telling him that I respect him (for something or just in general) 1 time a day. It's not anything that I've never heard before, but it's a GREAT reminder that my "love" isn't enough. Walt NEEDS to know that I respect him. I believe I'll read this book annually around our anniversary to have a consistent reminder of some of the good points that she makes. Although some of the survey questions sound skewed and very leading to me, and I had anticipated a deeper book, all in all, I recommend it. I was actually so struck by how helpful this book was that I bought the "For Men Only" book for Walt. :)

Just an idea, but this might be a good book to give to our non-believing friends who are married/will be married. If anything, I'd say the topics in here are very 'others focused' on the husband, and it could encourage good conversations about 'thinking outside of ourselves to the needs of others' and why we would ever even consider doing this.

Michelle and Amy Lane, you're more than welcome to borrow my copy anytime!

Chandra's ratings (out of 5 stars)

Readability *****
Relevance *****
Thought-provoking material ***